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Maid of Honor vs. Made Of Money

Posted on August 8, 2013. Filed under: Couples, Family, Relationships, Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , |

Dear Lora,

My younger sister is getting married and has asked me to be her Matron of Honor.  Although I feel privileged to be asked, I am a wife and mother of three.  Not only is money limited, but so is my time.  She’s expecting me to throw her a shower and I’m afraid I don’t have the time or funds to make it happen.  Is there anyway I can still be a part of the wedding, without hosting a shower, or should I back out altogether?

Dear Not Made of Money,

Let me guess, your sister is the baby of the family, so the fact that you have been married long enough to produce three children means she can’t even remember your wedding.  I’m also guessing whatever she did before, during and after your ceremony, your mom and dad paid for — including the push up bra needed for the super cute bridesmaid dress you picked out, am I getting warm?  Making matters worse, she probably has no idea what the cost analysis of a bridal shower is, right?

Trust me, I can feel your anxiety all the way over here!  Grab a glass of wine and let me put your mind at ease:

As a close family member of the bride, you are not actually supposed to host the shower.  You read that right, you’re not supposed to!  That’s because the guests might feel like you (family) were pressuring them to bring gifts.  Here’s a link to the goddess of all things wedding, Emily Post, who does an excellent job explaining why:

http://www.emilypost.com/weddings/new-times-new-traditions/129-who-can-host-a-shower

Now, how many of us would have lost that bet in Vegas?  I’m guessing the majority.

Take if from me, it’s good to follow ol’ Emily’s advice, otherwise things may be on a path to disaster.

My first trip down the aisle, I was given a shower by my ex-husbands immediate family members, needless to say, that union barely lasted long enough to write the thank you notes.  If EP was reading the tea leaves, based on the shower alone, she would have likely thought it was doomed before it even got started, and she would have been correct!

Honestly, it was downhill from there — trying to be agreeable, I let my ex talk me into allowing the groomsmen to each wear a different colored bow tie, so they could look like a “rainbow” (his description).  That was followed by reluctantly giving in to a rum flavored wedding cake, which I didn’t even like and everyone else complained about.  Then came the realization my ex didn’t even know the Lord’s Prayer until the actual service when his lips weren’t moving!  Good gravy, I wish I was making this stuff up and wish, at times, I didn’t have a memory like an elephant — but I digress.

After my practice marriage, as I call it, came the one that counts, marriage #2 (which is #1 in my heart).  This time, following EP’s book of etiquette to a T, both of my showers were given to me by friends, no relatives of either myself or my husband, Scooter, involved.  Needless to say, the rest of the wedding went smoothly, with black-ties, a tasty vanilla cake with butter-cream frosting and a hubby that even knows the words to the doxology!  The only rainbow that day was in the sky, where it belongs.

Basically, if you stick with EP,  you can’t go wrong.

Now, with that said, if you win the lottery and hire two nannies to take care of the kids, perhaps then you could offer to help physically and financially with the shower, but remember, you are under no obligation as Maid of Honor to do so.  She needs to understand the true duties of the MOH, it’s more of an assistant versus a wallet.

As the MOH, you get to do some pretty cool stuff, like help pick out the bridesmaid dresses, which is huge, we all know what a bridezilla thinks you should wear — lavender dotted swiss with empire waists – UGH!  Also on your list: witnessing the marriage certificate, assisting your sister during the reception, etc.  All stuff you can handle AND afford!

Feel free to share my story with her of what happens when you stray from the EP path.  Basically, when you mess with the tried and true, you may end up with more than just something blue.

So do yourself and your sister a favor, avoid the rum and rainbows and grab a copy of Emily Post’s Wedding Etiquette.  Put a post-it on the page which explains the MOH duties, give it to your sister and happily accept the position.

 

 

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We’re Just Friends

Posted on July 31, 2013. Filed under: Uncategorized | Tags: , , , , , , , , , |

Dear Lora,

Would it be strange if I invited my girlfriend’s husband to be my ‘date’ to an upcoming formal event?  Both my husband and his wife will be out of town on work trips.  He and his wife are close friends of ours, they are new to the area and it could be a great way for him to meet more people.  I’d also have a dance partner. 

Dear Formally Introduced,

Simple answer:  No.

Minors don’t take coal to the coalmine and you shouldn’t take your friends husband to a formal.  Nothing good can come from it – NOTHING!

Although I’m positive your intentions are pure, the risk of what others might think, in a negative way, is just too high.  I know, I know, we’re not supposed to give a darn about what other people think, but let’s be honest, we do. 

No one likes going to any event alone, unless they are a pickpocket, and even then, they usually work in numbers.  I completely understand why this seems like a good idea, but you’ll have to trust me on this one, it’s not. 

Just for a second, let’s pretend you do take him, how do you introduce him?

“Hey, I’d like you to meet my good friends husband…no, she’s not here tonight, it’s just us…he hasn’t worn this tux since his wedding, so we thought, what the heck!”

Then comes the unavoidable follow-up question:

“Where’s Biff, your husband?  And Buffy, his wife?”

You answer:  “They’re both out of town.”

I’m getting geeked out just typing it.  Enough said.

Catch a ride with another couple and go solo.  You may not get to bust a move as much, but you also won’t have to dance around the uncomfortable question of whether you’re having an affair the next morning when texts start flying around town.  And trust me, they would.  No dirty dancing necessary, just a few no-goodnicks with dirty minds.

It’s better to cutback on the two-stepping, rather than risk a two-timing rumor. 

 

 

 

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